How to Overcome Eldest-Daughter Syndrome
Are you the eldest in your family? Maybe it’s a title you wear with pride, but being the oldest daughter can also take a toll.
Eldest daughter syndrome (EDS) is a very real thing that impacts the first-born girl in a family. If you have younger siblings, you might have felt a sense of responsibility for them growing up. Maybe you were asked to watch and take care of them. Or, maybe you had higher expectations placed on you while your siblings seemed to “get away” with more.
Eldest daughter syndrome can lead to a variety of negative issues later in life, including people-pleasing behaviors, trouble setting boundaries, and anxiety.
Let’s take a closer look at this syndrome and what you can do to overcome it at any stage of life.
What Are the Signs of EDS?
Not every eldest daughter in a family is going to deal with EDS. But, if your role as an older sibling became unhealthy and unrealistic expectations were placed on your shoulders, you might be dealing with the effects without even realizing it.
With that in mind, some of the most common signs of eldest daughter syndrome include:
Perfectionism
Anxiety
Difficulties delegating
A need for approval
This kind of disorder can even make you resent your younger siblings, even if they didn’t do anything wrong. In your mind, their presence might have taken away from your freedom as a kid or adult, so even if they didn’t directly cross you, it’s understandable to have that mindset.
There are some aspects of EDS that might not seem so bad. You’re likely to have a greater sense of responsibility and high expectations for yourself. But, when those things add extra pressure to your life or make you feel overwhelmed, they can contribute to anxiety or depression.
Self-Care Strategies
One of the best things you can do to overcome EDS is to prioritize self-care. It isn’t selfish — it’s necessary. If you’re used to putting the needs of others in front of your own, you’re going to burn out quickly, and your mental health is likely to suffer.
Self-care takes many forms, so find what works for you. Set a goal to do at least one thing each day dedicated solely to your well-being.
That might include things like exercising, journaling, spending time with friends, or even spending more time outside. As you start to put your health first, you’re likely to experience less anxiety and less of a need for everything to be picture-perfect.
Address Your Family
When you realize you have EDS, talking to your family about it is important. That doesn’t mean it will be easy, but it’s a necessary step in the healing process.
Express your feelings and even how you felt as a child or teen. Don’t play the blame game with them. Instead, use “I” statements to express how you feel. If your family still expects you to take on responsibility as the eldest, do what you can to set healthy boundaries.
Additionally, don’t hesitate to find external support. As an adult, leaning on friends and “chosen” family can make a big difference in how you see yourself and how you recognize your worth.
Finally, consider talking to a mental health professional. Therapy can help you sort out your symptoms and where they stem from. That can be especially helpful if your family doesn’t seem to understand what you’re dealing with.
Therapy can also help you navigate a path toward healing so you can move forward without resentment, living life for yourself. If you believe you’re dealing with EDS, don’t wait to talk to someone. Contact me today to set up an appointment.
